I turned 25 this past month and completed a quarter of my life. Even though the title might suggest otherwise, I am not in a quarter life crisis. It was an attempt to be somewhat funny. Good thing I don’t do this for a living. This past year has brought on so many changes that it finally feels like adulthood is here. Even though I felt that I had to grow up when I moved to University of Florida, I have discovered that there are various levels to adulthood. Once you think you’ve got one figured out, another level comes up and you’re back to square one again. There are new levels every few years according to my sister-in-law, to keep things refreshing I assume. Don’t get me wrong though, I am not complaining. Like everything else in life, there are pros and cons for this as well. In retrospective though, 2018 has been a great year. I took a two-month break at the start of the year to spend time with family in India, before joining Amazon in Seattle. I also got to travel to Thailand and Assam as part of my break which was pretty amazing. I moved to Seattle in March and got settled in the new job. My experience at Amazon calls for another blog post, which I’ll hopefully get to sooner rather than later. But this isn’t a year in review post, however, this past year did teach me a lot of things. I finally had financial independence which was an amazing experience and gave me the liberty to do things I’ve wanted to do for a long time but never got around to. As I turned 25, I felt like sharing my experiences and lessons that have made the transition to growing up easier and more enjoyable.
1. Friends and Family – This is the first thing that comes to my mind which has helped me to grow as a person. I can’t stress enough, the importance of having a good circle of friends and family. It can be either one or both but these are the people who’ll always be by your side through thick and thin. I don’t think I need to say much here because most of us would have already experienced the benefits of having this.
2. Communication – Through many personal experiences and a few broken relationships, I have come to the realization that communication is the backbone of any relationship, be it with a friend, family member or partner. I, personally, am a chatterbox, once I am around people I am comfortable with. But that is not what I mean by communication. Rather it is the process of being able to openly talk about problems and issues, fears and aspirations and at the same time having the confidence that the person next to you has your best interests at heart and wants you to succeed, which is why it is important for the point above to happen. Communication also involves the ability to have discussions rather than arguments and trying to see the other person’s point of view as opposed to just being adamant about your own.
3. Honesty – This ties back to the point above, where you have to be honest – as a person and while communicating. Talking to someone for the sake of talking, without being honest won’t help in the long run. It’s important, to be honest about your feelings rather than being nice and doing things that are expected from you. This is the one, where I personally struggle with, as it is very easy to get lost into fulfilling expectations and it might come at the cost of your own feelings and happiness.
4. Diversity – We look at so many options before buying something new, be it a phone, TV or even clothes. So why not do it before forming strongly held opinions? Why not shop around for different opinions and see which one resonates with you? I can’t think of a better way to do this than by talking to people with different careers, countries, communities, religion and background. It’s pretty understandable to want to find someone with the same background as yours if you move to a new place (city, state or country). By all means, go ahead and do it but pause for a second and try to use this opportunity to also talk to people from other backgrounds as you might not get a chance to do it again.
5. Pursue your Hobbies – This probably is one of my favourite things I’ve learnt this past year. There is a very common scenario in India, where kids are told to study well in 10th class (or grade) and that will get them the stream (Science, Commerce, Humanities/Arts) they desire. Once they get the stream, they are told to study well to get into the college of their choice and then they can have fun. Once they get into college, they are told to study well to get a good job and everything will work out after that. Once they get a good job, they are told to perform well to get a promotion and so on. The cycle never ends. There can be various people telling them this – parents, relatives, friends and sometimes even they themselves. All of us are in such a race to get to the top that we forget to do the things that make us happy. It’s been such an amazing feeling for me to finally be able to take dancing lessons and join a self-defence class. These are things I have wanted to do for quite a few years but never got around to it. Take the time out to pursue your hobbies and if you don’t have one, explore and find out what you like.
6. Be healthy – This has got to be the one which I have had the most difficulty understanding. I have been under-weight for the better part of my life which meant a free pass to eat whatever I wanted and not care about my health. I always associated my weight to define healthiness for me. But the past two years (and my brother) have made me aware of the fact that it isn’t only weight which determines your health. There are other aspects to it which involve taking care of your body, sometimes watching what you eat and drink and exercising to stay healthy (and not thin!). Sometimes people assume exercise to be a synonym for going to the gym and I don’t think I agree with that. Exercising can be anything ranging from cycling, jogging, brisk-walking, playing sports, joining martial arts classes to yoga, aerobics, zumba etc. Try something that piques your interest and keep searching until you find something you enjoy. Different people have different opinions on how to be healthy. It might involve restricting your diet or following a strict routine. Find what works for you and go for it. Another thing I became conscious of was that, for me, it didn’t matter how many times someone else asked me to exercise but that it had to come from within. I had to feel the need to take care of my health and body and until that happened, everyone else’s opinion seemed pointless.
7. Love yourself – I recently came across this post on Facebook which talked about love. It was a few screenshots from a show on Netflix by a comedian called Daniel Sloss. You can read that post here. It was so spot on that I couldn’t help but smile on how most of do this. We are so in love with the idea of love that we’d do anything to make it work, with our families, friends and partners. Most of us don’t love ourselves enough or don’t know how to because this isn’t something that is taught in school or at home (at least in India). Growing up, I didn’t think there was anything called self-love because I’d never seen any examples of that. All I had seen was friends and family talk about someone being not pretty or not fair or too tall or too short or something else. That person was never told to love themselves the way they are and I have seen multiple adults trying to battle those insecurities in their relationships and lives even after growing up. If you had a childhood like that, or even if you have insecurities now, it’s okay to have that. The key is to take time to heal yourself from that, which is where having a good circle comes in handy. Nobody is perfect, but it’s important to be content with doing your best and constantly pushing yourself to be better, which brings me to my next realization.
8. Think, reflect and improve – At the end of last year, I was trying to ask my manager for constructive feedback to be able to perform better and improve at work. One day, I got to thinking why don’t we do that in our personal lives as well? I had never heard anyone do that nor did it myself so that thought seemed absurd initially but the more I pondered on it, it seemed like a perfectly sensible thing to do. So I tried doing it with my friends and family at the beginning of this year. I got a single response with actual feedback and all the others saying everything was fine, but it was a start nonetheless. As I said earlier, no one is perfect, which means all of us have room to improve and be better versions of ourselves, so why not get in touch with that trail of thought? It could be through self-introspection or asking friends and family or both. Start with small steps, try and reflect on that feedback or introspection periodically and do a self-check-in to see if you improved.
9. Alone isn’t lonely – Growing up in a country with 1.2 billion people, being alone is something a lot of Indians have no idea about. We are always surrounded by people – family, cousins, relatives, friends, co-workers or partner. A lot of people also don’t understand the idea of being alone and find it absurd and confuse it with being lonely. But the way I see it, they are two separate notions. You can feel lonely even in a room full of people. On the other hand, spending time with yourself, reflecting on your life, experiences and events or it can be something as simple as enjoying a book or painting helps focus at times and replenishes your energy. You don’t have to be alone if you don’t want to, all I am trying to say is that learn to be okay with it. It’s not a bad thing and it definitely doesn’t make you lonely.
10. Pause to catch your breath – Since every one of us is in a race to get places we often forget to enjoy the moment. So literally, stop for a minute, break out of everything you are doing and look around, reflect on how far you’ve come and appreciate what you have before you go off to achieve more.
I want to end this on a thankful note and let everyone know that there will always be some challenge or the other, but you can get through the hardest of times, with a good foundation. I want to thank my circle for being an amazing support system in my life. You guys know who you are 🙂
Image Source: StareCat
Disclaimer: These are my personal views and experiences and might not work out that same way for everyone.
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