Yaar, a word in Hindi to describe a friend, a person close to heart and someone with whom you have memories with. My brother is someone who fits this description perfectly. Elder siblings are rumoured to be protective, strict, scold you when you don’t do your work, take care of you, treat you like a kid and so on. In short, they are nothing less than a parent. Be it a brother or a sister, it seems they are always after your life. As if having two parents was not enough already, you have another one to yell after you. Breaking all these stereotypes is someone I have, my brother, 5 years elder to me and yet it doesn’t feel so at times. We fight like crazy, then say sorry as well, have serious conversations, give advice to each other (more like I asking him for everything) and take care of each other. The normal sibling stuff, like everyone else. But this post is not about the sibling bond that we share, but about a really important day of his life, about this duo turning into a trio – about his wedding.
He had always wanted a simple, peaceful, and not a ‘dhinchak’ wedding, like we Indians have become used to. No five day long affair, with sangeet, haldi, mehendi, shaadi, reception and bidai. But like all others, he had to cave into the family pressure, which was actually the societal pressure. Since my family had agreed for the girl of his choice, he had no other option, but to fulfill their request of a grand wedding. My family was aware of his nature and his choice and they compromised to a large extent as well, which I am immensely proud of. So we ended up making it a two day affair, with a light geet sangeet program on the first day, followed by the wedding the next day. I have already covered a post on the Indian Weddings and the rituals and customs that take place here and here. But what this post covers is the actual behind the curtain scenes. It doesn’t mention about the rituals and customs but rather the effort, the patience, the hard work and the planning that goes behind it. Being an in-house wedding, I was a part of all the things, observing, helping and expressing my opinions. I experienced and learnt many new things and that is what this post shares. It’s going to be a long post, so you have been forewarned.
The wedding date was fixed for 21st January 2015. The preparations began from November onward. There were so many things to be done – select the card, get the cards printed, select the venue, select the menu, book hotel, shopping, buy this and that and what not. It’s amazing how much excitement and tension became palpable in the air. Lists were being made, calls to this person and that for various reasons and planning what all had to be done in these three months. I am going to break it into various steps in the order of how they were done. Of-course, the ordering can be different according to you, but I am just expressing my experience.
Step 1 – The DATE
How can a wedding proceed without the wedding date? This is the first step to get married. Panditji is called and then he looks at the bride and groom’s birth dates and “kundli” (if you have one) and then finds a nice “mahurat” on a nice day and date for the wedding to take place.
Step 2 – The INVITE
Now that the date has been decided, the next thing is to tell the world about it. By world here I mean, all the relatives and friends. A wedding card is printed to send the invites. Now it was easy enough for me to write a wedding card is printed, but the effort and time that went behind it was astonishing for me. Chawri Bazaar is the place to go to when it comes to wedding cards. My mom dad went there and it seemed like a scavenger hunt. This shop had the color, that had the material, the other one over there had the best price and so it continued. After two three days of exploration no decision could be made. Then someone suggested this shop in Pitampura and it instantly clicked. The color, material and the price all was approved by mom and dad. One hurdle down, more to come. Now what text had to be written in the card and the font. Which Lord Ganesha’s photo should be selected? Where should it be placed? What should be on the cover? Should the text be in Hindi or English? After all that is done now stickers with people’s name and addresses need to be put on the card. For that a list of people, there names, address and contact numbers were needed. After much messaging and calling, that list was made and then that list was computerized to get the printouts. Mistakes in spelling, numbers etc. was common. It probably took me like 5-7 days to get those stickers all correct. Then after the stickers were put on the cards, they were wrapped in the cellophane paper and couriered to all the outstation relatives and friends and associates. For the local people, something different was planned. The cards had to be put in boxes with almonds and then segregated according to regions of Delhi – North, South, East, West and NCR. My home used to look like a basement with cartons of cards and almonds everywhere. After all the packing, the cards had to be distributed by going personally and giving it to everyone. Well, finally, the card business came to an end.
Step 3 – The VENUE
Step 2 and Step 3 are interlinked as the venue needs to be mentioned on the cards. So its decided before they go for printing. It was pre-decided that the wedding would take place in Delhi, so no destination wedding scouting was needed. There are so many options today in Delhi for banquet halls and lawns ranging from GT Karnal Road and all the way to Gurgaon. Lets not forget the farmhouses of South Delhi. Some provide their own catering and some don’t. Deciding the menu becomes part of deciding the venue. Mom – Dad and few other relatives went from venue to venue in Gurgaon and on GT Karnal Road, tasting the menu, exploring the place and analyzing if it would be fit for the wedding. A few times even I and my cousins went for food tasting at a few places as they wanted to take in our opinions on the food too. Finally the venue, after much discussion and arguments was decided to be Nitesh Kunj, a wedding hall in Gurgaon. The catering was going to be theirs and we could customize and decide the menu according to our needs.
Step 4 – The JEWELLERY
Indian weddings are full of gold, diamonds, rubies and emeralds. Those are the only ones that I can remember right now. I might have missed others. New jewellery is made to be gifted to relatives, the bride and groom, their respective parents and siblings. This process starts from the day the wedding is fixed. Browsing through catalogues and online designs, discussions with jewellers on the type of gold, diamond etc that would be used, using whatsapp to circulate the design within the family to get everyone’s approval and placing the order. Finally when the order does arrive, then analyzing it closely and getting some improvements if needed. This step is one of utmost importance and is a nasty affair as it needs time and innumerable discussions.
Step 5 – The CLOTHES
Although this step could have been included in the last one, but I wanted it to be a separate one because of the huge amount of time it takes to shop, select and buy clothes and the space that it takes to keep them. Since it was a wedding in the house, everyone shopped lavishly. New dresses for all the functions for everyone. The dresses for the bride probably took the most amount of time, but then that’s how it should be. It took me three days and exploring the markets of Rajouri Garden, Kamla Nagar and Kohat Enclave to finally find the dress that I wanted to wear. I can just imagine the struggle everybody else had finding the right dress.
Step 6 – The HOTEL
Packaging off the wedding cards to hundreds of relatives was easy enough but they did need a place to stay. So, in addition to the venue, a hotel had to be booked for all the relatives who came from outside Delhi. For us, it was not a big issue as the Maheshwari Bhavan was the most suitable and convenient choice. A nearby hotel was booked for bride’s family and friends. So this step of the process was relatively easy enough.
Step 7 – The MENU
Apart from deciding the menu for the wedding day, was the task of deciding menu for the four days in the bhavan where the relatives were going to stay. This included the breakfast, lunch and dinner for 19th Jan, 20th Jan and 21st Jan, and only the breakfast for 22nd Jan. Deciding the appropriate menu included various discussions with many family members. There were some arguments as well regarding what would be better choices in certain cases, which is not unexpected. Fill a room full of people and their opinions are bound to differ.
The wedding day menu deciding process was a different story altogether. Firstly, there were like ten-twelve different subsections to it – Chinese, South Indian, Soft Drinks, Appetizers, and so on. And then each section had like a plethora of dishes within and to choose within them what to keep and what not to. We could also add dishes of our own that we wanted. This whole business of menu deciding process was one big rollercoaster. But everyone got out safe in the end.
Step 8 – The GIFTS
Even though I thought this would be a fun step, it turned out to be boring and really expensive. Usually the gifts exchanges happen between the bride’s family and groom’s family. But we didn’t want any of that as these things just cause problems. The gifts I am talking about were given to the relatives and family who came to attend the marriage. It involved giving blankets as part of some geet function ritual by the bhuas (groom’s father’s sisters). Then there were cash envelopes and silver coins given as a part of badhai (happiness) for attending the wedding. The whole procedure of getting the coins made as per specifications, getting the blankets from Karol Bagh, printing stickers of family names, putting these stickers on the blanket covers, filling in the envelopes and then putting them in different bags, segregating them and giving these bags to the correct people is exhausting and time consuming.
Step 9 – The PRE-WEDDING FUNCTIONS
Before starting off with the pre-wedding functions, I’d like to add another point which is the wedding photographer. Because well, how can a wedding be complete without photographs?
We had to contact various photographers, ask them the rates and what all would the service include. I never knew photography at weddings had turned into such a lucrative business. The prices are shooting as high as the stars. After much searching we found a reasonable enough photographer who provided the basic services, that we had wanted.
Now coming back to the pre-wedding functions, the decoration of the venue – coloring scheme, pattern and location of the chairs, setting up the sound systems and food arrangement is bound to take up some time, to say the least. Checking all of the above mentioned things, modifying them and rechecking them to make sure they are perfect is just an endless cycle.
Since we just had one pre-wedding function, which was a light geet sangeet program, things went pretty smoothly, all things considering. The sangeet function just had few games in which all the audience could participate and two dance performances, after which dinner was served. Apart from a few minor glitches in the sound system, the function was pulled off nicely.
Step 10 – The D-DAY
The final step finally arrives. Nervous, excited, tensed, happy, stressed, thrilled are some of the few words that are synonymous with everyone else as well apart from the bride and the groom.
The decorations of the venue, the arrangements to take the guest from the hotel to the wedding venue, getting dressed up, making sure the bride and groom are ready and dressed, looking after the food arrangements are some of the things that one needs to keep in mind. People shouting everywhere, someone calling someone, travelling constantly from the second floor to first or ground in search of someone or something is how the scene usually looks a few hours before the wedding. It’s like a mad house. But after everything falls into place and the wedding ceremony begins, things go to a much more calmer state and everyone starts having fun, with the exception of the bride and groom of-course. It’s their wedding after all, how can they have fun? After everything gets done, the entire family (in our tradition) sits together and has dinner, also called Sajjan Court, which is something I really like as it brings the entire family together.
Well, that was it – the ten steps to a successful wedding planning. This was just me sharing my experience and point of view. Like I said in the beginning, you don’t have to agree with it or do it the same way. It’s how I and my family did it and it worked out for us. Happy Planning!
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